Does knowing why really help?

As I was cleaning off my desk, I came across my Christmas letter from Debbie Perry. (Debbie is truly an angel, I worked with her at FamilyLife and she pours into everyone who she comes in contact with. She has also battled ovarian cancer for over five years).

I hadn't stuck her letter with the rest of the Christmas cards, because it had touched me when I read it. But this week when I found it and reread it, it just didn't touch me - IT spoke to me.

Deb shares an excerpt from a devotion by Ney Bailey (about Elisabeth Elliot.)
Ney Bailey: "I'll never forget the time I invited Elisabeth Elliot to come speak to our women who were ministering in Eastern Europe. I was seated by Elisabeth during a break when an obviously anxious young woman came and stood in front of her. With a voice full of angst and stress she began to explain her situation to Elisabeth:
Woman: "My husband and I moved here from the states with our two children, and we have looked and looked and looked for a house to live in and after all these months we have been unable to find anything! We have been forced to live with first one family for a few months...and now we have been with yet another family for several months. School is about to start again, and we still haven't found a house!"
Elisabeth: {calmly} "You must not need a house."
That was the last response the young woman expected Elisabeth to have after her elaborate explanation of desperately needing a house and not finding one.
Woman: {astonished, mouth open, quizzically} "I must not need a house?"
Elisabeth: {authoritatively} "You must not need a house...'MY God shall supply ALL YOUR NEEDS according to His riches in Christ Jesus'. If you needed a house, you would have a house."
Woman: {stunned} "I don't have a house because I don't need a house?" " I don't have a house because I don't NEED a house... I don't have a HOUSE because I don't need a HOUSE..."
I saw her change before my very eyes as she repeated these unbelievable words... convincing herself and coming to the truth of Elisabeth's words as she repeated them over and over.
Woman: "Wait till I tell my husband we don't have a house because we don't need a house! I'm going to go phone him right now!"
She had come to Elisabeth full of anxiety and puzzlement. She walked away in awe of the truth of what she had heard and received into her heart.

Debbie went on in her letter to say perhaps He doesn't explain because knowing and understanding His way might not help us all that much. Stop and ask yourself: Does knowing why really help? She shares that the application is different for each of us... but for her, she came to realize she didn't need to be healed from her cancer and didn't need to know 'why' the cancer had remained.

What struck me down in the story, was what things or what situations in my life am I so focused on that I can't see anything else. He convicted me that I want more than anything to have a house that I can hang the sign "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" over the front door and I want to know why God hasn't given me that HOUSE. Is wanting the 'house' wrong? No. But when I'm stuck and can't get God to answer me - Either give me my house or tell me why I can't have it - I'm missing His truth. And so many other things that I focus on and struggle with, so many unanswered prayers. Why Lord? I needed Elisabeth to whisper to me "You must not need a house". Our God will supply ALL my needs and 'does knowing why really help'?

What's your 'house'? What is it that you desire and God has chosen not to act on? Hear the sweet words "You must not need it, because Our precious God will supply ALL our needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus". Simplistic truth that each of you probably already know and accept, but that this old lady needed to learn today.

Closing the gap

"Why not spend the rest of our lives closing the gap between what we'll wish we would have given and what we are giving?" quote by Randy Alcorn

"What Motherhood Really Means"

Article in Readers Digest - February 1991.
I have copied it and shared it many times over the years.

"What Motherhood Really Means"

It will change your life, but not in the way you think.

Time is running out for my friend. While we are sitting at lunch, she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown, and she is forced to consider the prospect of motherhood.

'It will change your life,' I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral.

'I know' she says. 'No more sleeping in on Saturdays, no more spontaneous vacations ...'

But that is not what I mean at all. I try to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes: that the physical wounds of childbearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, 'What if that had been my child?'

I look at her manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important meeting, and she will think about her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is all right.

I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five-year-old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather that the women's at a restaurant will become a major dilemma. However, decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his.

My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his son. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your son learning to hit a baseball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a puppy for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.

My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. ''You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then, squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all the mere, mortal women who stumble into this holiest of callings ---MOTHERHOOD!

September 25,1998 Prayer Journal

Dear Lord,
I had to take a moment this morning to tell you how awesome you are. You have blessed us so much. You showed me things this morning about my precious daughter.

Lord, thank you for letting me see that all the charactor traits that I tease about her having - are just an awesome part of your plan for her life.

I've always said she is my little gyspy, that she is my non-conformist, that she marchs to a different drum.

PRAISE GOD - a gyspy is someone who is not content in his surroundings. Always ready to move on. Wow Lord- can you ever use that! She will never be content to just live on this earth. She will be able to follow your call and change. Her heart can forget the hurts and pain of the past and pack up and move on. She will be a wanderer in her spirit, searching for a better place. And we know Lord that that place is at your side.

Oh Father, I praise you this morning for making her a non-conformist. To be set apart and different from this horrible, ugly world. To not conform to the world's standards.

Lord, I know she will be a precious Mother and Godly wife, because she will not mold her family by the standards of others, but with you in her heart she will raise up a family that shines like a beacon in a dark world.

Lord, keep that drum beating in her ear. It is not a drum that a lot of her friends, co-workers and even her boss will hear. So help her stay close to you, so she can always hear it. Help her have strength and wisdom to make the choices to keep following the different beat. Lord, it is not easy being a non-conformist gyspy. It would be so easy to be shaped by the cookie cutter mold of her surroundings. It would make life simpler not to have to listen and follow the different drum.

But Lord, you created a very, very special child and I know you have very, very special plans for her. Thank you for making her how she is.

Forgive me for not seeing it sooner.
In Jesus name we pray,
Amen

Back to zero

New Years Eve - "Everything goes back to zero" that was of the many quotes that stuck with me from Mr. Norman. He said it as every new year began and explained that all the totals and the recorded accomplishments of the prior year, go back to zero. That it is a clean slate and fresh start on day one.



I think that one of the blessing of being a Mom is we get that chance everyday. Sure yesterday could have been, without a doubt, one of the worst days of your life-

He broke my favorite lamp and glass went everywhere, My spanking was in anger - I wanted justice

She defied me when I told her to turn down the music, I screamed that she was driving me crazy

The baby was up all night and I wasn't patient enough, I was so tired

Sharpie on the rug, holes in the coat, spitup on everything, dishes/clothes piled up, life completely out of control, Etc, Etc, Etc.



BUT, as you sneak into their room, before you collaspe in bed, to steal the last kiss as they sleep - the wave hits you and tears feel your eyes. I'm so sorry and you pray, "Lord, I blew it so many times today. Lord, this job of Mothering is hard and I make so many mistakes - they really will need therapy. But Lord, I love these precious ones so much. Please Lord help me tomorrow be a better Mom."



However, a good mother isn't simply more organized, more creative or more self-disciplined. She is great because she relys on God and not solely on herself. She hesitates and listens- first thing and each time during the day as the need arises (and it will).



And as the day dawns, it's back to zero.

My life verse

Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. . .
For where your treasures is, there your heart will be also."

What can I do today that has eternal value????

April 14, 2000 prayer journal

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for reminding me that you do still move stones. That you rolled the stone away, not for Jesus, but for me. Lord, the stone of SMU for Bo seems like a mountain. Last week when he told me about his experience of seeing heaven and realizing he just want to share you - I hoped he would decide to stay at Nashville and give up on SMU. That I would be off the hook and not have to worry about that battle. Or of not having a miracle by you to get him to SMU. But now he has a renewed passion to go to SMU and he is trusting in you, God. So I plead that you will move this mountain and show us a miracle and let Bob see You work out the details.

I believe you waited to raise Lazarus for 4 days from the dead for Your greater glory, And I beleive you are waiting (or just applying your timing) on the the SMU situation for Your greater glory. Lord, I can't see a way, so you have got to do it. And if SMU is not your plan for Bo, please open up the door you want him to go in, because Lord I believe he truly wants to do your will. Lord, you have an awesome servant on your team and I know you will work out what is best for him.

I used to think I knew what was best for him, but Lord I lay him in your arms. You have him. He is yours. Please take good care of him.
Amen

Dianna's Potato Soup

1 stick butter
1 large yellow onion
8-10 red potatoes
1 T Lawry's seasoning salt
1 box chicken broth
1 cup 'white' wine
1 cup creme
shredded cheese
(optional -green onions, parsley or chives as topping)

Saute chopped onion in butter till slightly transparent, add (large cubed) potatoes and salt. Continue sauteing and Stir frequently about 10 minutes. Add broth and wine - bring to a boil and cook till potatoes are tender. Turn off heat, add creme, top with cheese and chives and serve with bread.

How did I get here?

No seriously, How did I get here?
In the scope of all the ions of time and the vastness of humanity, How did I get here?
Of the choices I've made, How did I get here?
The life, my parents, the husband, the children, the grandchildren, How did I get here?
My personality- people pleaser, insecure, giving, nonconfronting, helpless, How did I get here?
Blogger.com, journaling, pouring out my guts, How did I get here?
Words spilling out, Heart spilling out, Tears spilling out, How did I get here?
This quite morning, snuggled in blanket, coffee in hand, seeking God's voice, How did I get here?
Where did I go wrong, where did I get it right, How did I get here?
Is this a prayer or a pleading or a statement of defeat, How did I get here?
Confessed, wounded, forgiven, saved, loved, accepted, How did I get here?
And seriously, where do I go from here?